Humor Spot : The Dangers of Plastic Surgery

By Jerry Holbert of The Boston Herald in Massachusetts , published on 06 July 2010.

to tell = to recognize

Humor Spot : Language Discrimination

Some results of bad translation!

Even language discriminates?  And you always thought those verbs caused you trouble! It’s always been those pesky nouns.

Humor Spot : Waking Up

It took me forever to wake up one of my nursing home patients. But after much poking, prodding, and wrangling, he finally sat up and fixed his twinkling blue eyes on my face. "My, you're pretty!" he said. "Have I asked you to marry me yet?"

"No, you haven't," I gushed.

"Good. Because I couldn't put up with this every morning."

to take forever	-	prendre une éternité
a nursing home	-	une maison de retraite, une maison de repos
to poke	-	pousser [qn] du bout du doigt
to prod	-	donner des petits coup à, piquer
to wrangle	-	batailler pour
twinkling	-	scintillant
my! (exclamation)	-	ça alors!
to gush	-	jaillir
to not put up with something	-	ne pas supporter

Cartoon : Off One’s Rocker

“To be off one’s rocker” is a common idiomatic expression in English to mean to be crazy, insane or out of one’s mind. A rocker (besides being someone who likes to play rock music) is the curved piece of wood on the bottom of a rocking chair that allows it to move backward and forward.

However, the origin of the expression has nothing to do with the rocking chair! The expression first appeared in print around 1896 at about the same time as the expression, “to be off one’s trolley.” Both expressions have the same meaning. These two expressions became popular at a time when electric streetcars were being installed in major American cities.

The wheel or runner above the streetcar that makes contact with the electrical line is called either a rocker or a trolley! Sometimes due to a technical or driver error, this rocker/trolley would lose contact with the wires causing the streetcar to no longer get electricity rendering it inoperative.

Humor Spot : Up-to-date airline security measures

Cartoon : Hoarse Thief

to break in - to enter a building by force, especially in order to steal things

a cough drop - a type of candy containing medicine that you suck when you have a cough or a sore throat

hoarse - someone who is hoarse or has a hoarse voice speaks in a low rough voice, usually because their throat is sore

Humor Spot : Monday on Tuesday

Humor Spot : Women Drivers

I was getting into my car when I noticed a dent. On the windshield was a note and a phone number from the driver. "I feel terrible," the woman apologized when I called. "I hit your car as I was pulling into the next parking spot."

"Please, don't worry," I said to her. "I'm sure our insurance companies will take care of everything."

"Thank you for your understanding," she said. "You're so much nicer than the man I hit on the way out."

to get into	-	to enter
a dent	-	a place where a surface has been pushed or knocked inward
windshield	-	the large glass window at the front of a vehicle. The British term is windscreen.
to apologize	-	to tell someone that you are sorry for doing something wrong or for causing a problem
to pull into	-	if a vehicle or driver pulls into a place, they stop there

Cartoon : Deviance

deviant behavior (behaviour UK) - describes actions or behaviors that violate cultural norms including formally-enacted rules (e.g., crime) as well as informal violations of social norms (e.g., nose-picking).

grip – the power or control over someone or something

common ground - something that people can agree about, especially when they disagree about other things

grocery store – North American term for stores that sell food and other household items

Humor Spot : Losing Limbs

The gladiator was having a rough day in the arena—his opponent had sliced off both of his arms. Nevertheless, he kept on fighting, kicking and biting as furiously as he could. But when his opponent lopped off both feet, our gladiator had no choice but to give up, for now he was both unarmed and defeated.

a limb – an arm or a leg

to slice off - to remove something by cutting it

to lop off - to cut something off something else in one smooth movement

to give up - to stop doing something that you are trying hard to do

Cartoon : A Time-Honored Maxim

- If something is time-honored such as a maxim or a tradition, it is respected or adhered to because of its age or long-usage.

- A lender is someone you lends you money. In other words, he or she gives you money that you have to pay back, sometimes with interest. A bank is often such a lender. The money that a friend or a bank lends you is called a loan.

- If you ask someone to lend you money that you promise to pay back, then you are called the borrower because you borrow money.

- ‘Plain old’ is common adjective combination to describe something that is not unusual or special. For example, you walk in a coffee shop that proposes all sorts of strange and flavored coffee combinations but you don’t want any of these new and strange flavors; you just want a simple coffee, so you could say, “I just want a plain old coffee, please.” In the maxim used in the cartoon, you could say that it’s just plain old common sense.

- If you describe someone as being cagey, you are saying that they are clever and cannot be deceived or trapped. They don’t want to commit themselves to something. In the cartoon, Momma tries to teach the boy an age old lesson about money, but he replies with a cagey answer completely avoiding it. Sometimes public officials are cagey when they talk to journalists so as not to get trapped into giving answers or details that are too specific. As consumers, we have to sometimes be cagey so as not to be trapped into buying something we only think we need.

Humor Spot : Someone Special

A Harley rider eating in a restaurant is checking out a gorgeous redhead. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket. The biker reaches up, snatches it out of the air, and hands it back to her. "I am so embarrassed," the woman says. "Please join me for dinner."

They enjoy a wonderful meal together and afterwards she invites him to the theater, followed by drinks. She pays for everything. Then she asks him to her place for a nightcap, and to stay for breakfast.

The next morning the guy is amazed. "Are you this nice to every biker you meet?" he asks.
"Not usually," she replies. "But you just happened to catch my eye."

a Harley rider – un motard Harley

to check out (colloquial) - mater

gorgeous – superbe, splendide

a redhead – un roux/une rousse

to sneeze - éternuer

socket – l’orbite

to snatch - attraper

a nightcap – un dernier verre avant de se coucher

to catch somebody’s eye – attirer l’attention de quelqu’un

Humor Spot : A Meaningful Question

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac?

He stayed up all night trying to decide if there really was a dog!

Humor Spot : I’m thinking of changing my entire wardrobe!

Another funny photo of bad and amusing translations! To see hundreds of more, go to the blog www.engrish.com

Humor Spot : But can we feed them?

This funny photo is rich in vocabulary!! I’ve given you the definitions, but as a good vocabulary exercise, look the words up in a dictionary to see how they are used.

annoy		to make someone feel slightly angry or impatient
torment		to annoy someone, especially for fun
pester		to keep annoying someone, especially by asking them for something or asking them to do something
molest		to behave in a violent or threatening way towards someone
worry		to make someone feel nervous and upset
badger		to try to make someone do something by asking them many times
harry		to continue to argue with someone or ask them for things so that they become tired or annoyed
harass		to keep annoying or upsetting someone, for example by criticizing them, attacking them, or treating them in a way that is offensive to them
heckle (not hackle!)		to interrupt a speaker at a public meeting by shouting remarks, insults etc at them
persecute		to frequently annoy or threaten someone
irk (formal)		to annoy someone
rag (American)		to criticize someone in an angry way
vex (old fashioned)		to make someone annoyed, confused, or worried
bother		to annoy someone by interrupting them when they are busy or want to be left alone
tease		to annoy an animal in order to have fun
nettle (informal)		to annoy someone
tantalise (British spelling), tantalize (American spelling)		to make someone feel excited by showing or offering them something that they want, often with no intention of giving it to them
ruffle (informal)		to make someone feel upset

Here are some other interesting expressions that use the above vocabulary:

- don’t worry your head about something (American spoken expression) - used for telling someone not to worry about something in a way that suggests you think they are not capable of dealing with the problem

Don’t worry your head about a single detail of the party. I’ll take care of everything.

- someone can’t be bothered (British informal) - used for saying that someone will not do something because they feel lazy or because it is too much effort

I said I’d go out with them tonight, but I can’t be bothered.

Those horrible campers couldn’t even be bothered to pick up their rubbish.

- don’t bother (spoken expression) - used for telling someone that they do not need to do something for you. You can also say this in a way that shows you think someone has not been very helpful

‘I’ll get you a chair.’ ‘No, please don’t bother.’

- to ruffle someone’s feathers (informal) - to make someone feel worried or annoyed

I imagine that all the new changes in the marketing department this year are going to ruffle John’s feathers.

Humor Spot : Chinglish

Sometimes called Chingrish as well, Chinglish is simply badly spoken or written English that has been influenced by Chinese.

 fragrant – odorant, parfumé

grass – la pelouse

hardhearted – insensible

to trample – piétiner

 

This is on a package of underwear!

No comment needed!!!

Humor Spot : Are You Really Sure?

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 1m83 tall, 91kg black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 1m89, weighs 102kg, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 1m98 pushing 136kg and he's a wrestler. Each one of us is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

VOCABULARY

a blind guy – un aveugle

bar stool – un tabouret

hushed - étouffé

a bouncer – un videur

a wrestler – un catcheur

Humor Spot: Funny things happen in church!

Ok, not necessarily of any relevance to learning English but I have a few student who would appreciate this.

Humor Spot: The Star Spangled Banner from Jib Jab

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Humor Spot: Important News from the European Commission!

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'.

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.