Funny Quotes About Alcohol & Beer

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” - Benjamin Franklin (American inventor, publisher and politician)

“Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.” – Frank Sinatra (American singer and actor)

“Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.” – Dave Barry (American humorist and writer)

“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.” – Dave Barry (American humorist and writer)

“You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer” – Frank Zappa (American composer, musician and director)

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
- Cliff Clavin (TV character from “Cheers”)

"If beer and women aren't the answer, then you're asking the wrong questions." - Anonymous