From: Ann Bancroft
The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.
From: Henny Youngman
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
From: Cindy Garner
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.
From: Rita Rudner
My mother buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
From: Rodney Dangerfield
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "Ok, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months — I don't like to interrupt her.
A married couple walks up to a wishing well. The guy leans over, makes a wish and throws in a penny. His wife decides to make a wish, too, but she leans over too far, falls into the well and drowns. The guy says, "Wow, it really works."
Taken from http://www.cartalk.com